Pandora seems to be hitting me really hard in the feels with its song selections right now...
It's been a while since I've posted, but believe me; I've been wanting to write these things out because there's just so much that's been on my mind.
I thought I came to a resolve.. But each time I thought I knew what I wanted, I kept going back to the other thing and before I knew it, I was caught in between everything all over again.
Realistically, there shouldn't be anything that I'm stuck in between. I'm just putting myself in the middle of a rock and a hard place.

I must be some type of masochist...

I'm really starting to dislike myself. The way I act, the way I do things, the way I think, the way I live.. That sounds dramatic, I'm sure. But it's just honestly how I feel.
I feel like I'm not growing up, when I should be. Instead I want to focus on stupid things like a boy, when I already have a man of my own. I'm unbelievably lucky to even have him as mine, and yet I can't help but still have some type of feelings for another.

Feelings are ridiculous...

I'm so focused on other aspects of my life, I can't even get my shit together academically either. I'm freaking doing horribly in almost all my classes, and I keep telling myself to devote more time to doing this and that; yet I end up just being a lazy little shit. I can't even comprehend what the hell I'm doing. I don't deserve to sleep or anything. I need to stop worrying so much about socializing and shit. I have other obligations, and I damn well need to prioritize them better. I'm just at a complete loss of what I'm doing with myself anymore.

My life is a shit show right now...